found in most pea soups.

2 cups split peas
6 cups water
2 14.5-ounce cans chicken broth (4 cups)
1/3 cup minced onion
1 large clove garlic, minced
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon granulated sugar
1/4 teaspoon dried parsley
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
dash dried thyme
1/2 cup barley
6 cups water
2 medium carrots, diced (about 1 cup)
1/2 stalk celery, diced (1/4 cup)

Garnish
chopped green onion

1. Rinse and drain the split peas, then add them to a large
pot with 6 cups of water, chicken broth, onion, garlic,
lemon juice, salt, sugar, parsley, pepper, and thyme. Bring
to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 75 minutes or until
the peas are soft.
2. While the peas are cooking, combine the barley with 6 cups
of water in a saucepan. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and
simmer for 75 minutes or until the barley is soft and most of
the water has been absorbed.
3. When the split pea mixture has become a thick soup, use a
handheld blender to puree the peas until the mixture is smooth.
You may also use a standard blender or food processor for this step,
pureeing the soup in batches. Alternately, if you like, you may
skip this step, keeping the soup rather chunky. It's still good
this way, just not as smooth as the real thing.
4. Drain the barley mixture in a sieve or colander and add it to
the split pea mixture. Add the carrots and celery and continue to
simmer the soup for 15 to 30 minutes or until the carrots are
tender. Stir occasionally. Turn off the heat, cover the soup,
and let it sit for 10 to 15 minutes before serving. Garnish
each serving with a little chopped green onion.
Makes 8 servings.

Taco Bell® Mexican Pizza

Hope you're hungry, 'cause this recipe makes four of the
Mexican Pizzas like those served at the Bell. Prepare to
blow your diners away with this one if they're at all
familiar with the real thing.

1/2 lb ground beef
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons chili powder (Spanish blend is best)
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon dried minced onion
1/4 teaspoon paprika
dash garlic powder
dash onion powder
2 tablespoons water
8 small (6" diameter) flour tortillas
1 cup Crisco shortening or cooking oil
1 16-ounce can refried beans
2/3 cup mild Picante salsa
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese
1/3 cup diced tomato
1/4 cup chopped green onions

1. In a medium bowl, combine the ground beef with the flour,
chili powder, salt, dried onion, paprika, garlic powder, and
onion powder. Use your hands to thoroughly incorporate everything
into the ground beef.
2. Preheat a skillet over medium heat, and add the ground beef
mixture to the pan along with the water. Brown the beef mixture
for 5 to 6 minutes, using a wooden spoon or spatula to break up
the meat as it cooks.
3. Heat oil or Crisco shortening in a frying pan over medium high
heat. If oil begins to smoke, it is too hot. When oil is hot,
fry each tortilla for about 30 to 45 seconds per side and set
aside on paper towels. When frying each tortilla, be sure to pop
any bubbles that form so that tortilla lays flat in oil. Tortillas
should become golden brown.
4. Heat up refried beans in a small pan over the stove or in the
microwave. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
5. When meat and tortillas are done, stack each pizza by first
spreading about 1/3 cup refried beans on the face of one tortilla.
Next spread 1/4 to 1/3 cup of meat, then another tortilla. Coat
your pizzas with two tablespoons of salsa on each, then combine
the cheeses and sprinkle the blend evenly over the top of each pizza.
Split up the diced tomato and arrange evenly over the cheese on
each pizza, followed by the green onion.
6. Place pizzas in your hot oven for 8-12 minutes or until cheese
on top is melted. Cut each pizza into 4 slices and serve.
Makes 4 pizzas.

Olive Garden Chicken Formaggio Pizza

4 ounces Chicken breast; bone -- skin1 tablespoon Olive oil2 tablespoons Onions -- dice1 cup Tomatoes; drain -- dice1 teaspoon Garlic -- chop1/8 teaspoon Salt1/2 teaspoon Dried basil1/2 cup Fontinella cheese -- shred1/2 cup Mozzarella cheese -- shred1/2 cup Mushrooms -- slice1 tablespoon Parmesan cheese -- shred1 12" pre-baked pizza crust
Preheat oven to 450~F. Saute or bake chicken breast. Cool. Cut into 1/4" wide strips. Spray or grease a 12" pizza pan. Saute onions and garlic briefly in the olive oil and add them to the tomatoes,salt and basil.Spread the tomato mixture over the top of the crust. Lay chicken strips down over the tomatoes. Top with fontinella and mozzarella cheeses. Add the sliced mushooms and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Bake at 450 degrees F. for 8 minutes, or until cheese is melted and crust is piping hot.

How to annoy pizza people.

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, and PUCE.
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's Master of Puppets CD.
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Stutter on the letter "p."
16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
23. Change your accent every three seconds.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Start your order with "I'd like. . .". A little later, slap yourself and say, "No, I don't."
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, "Okay, that'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28. Rent a pizza.
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33. Say, "Are you sure this is Pizza Place? When they say yes, say, "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they
finally offer proof that it is, in fact, Pizza Place, start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and
scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs.
35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
36. Imitate the order taker's voice.
37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
38. When they say, "What would you like?"--say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
39. Play a sitar in the background.
40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to
arrive so you can surprise him/her.
41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
42. Ask to see a menu.
43. Quote Carl Sandberg.
44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
49. Shout, "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?"
51. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
62. Try to talk while drinking something.
63. Start the conversation with "My Call to Pizza Place, Take 1, and. . . action!"
64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
66. Be vague in your order.
67. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
69. After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be
done to your pizza.
73. Say, "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
79. Put them on hold.
80. Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I said, 'sauce smothered with meat'."
82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they
have a chance to respond.
83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just
don't get it, do you?"
84. When you'ge given the price, say, "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
85. Haggle.
86. Order a one-inch pizza.
87. Order term life insurance.
88. When they say, "Will that be all?"--snicker and say, "We'll find out, won't we?"
89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
92. Engage in some serious swapping.
93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."
94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
97. Order a steamed pizza.
98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your time of day wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.
100. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."